Hunnie Pop The Unofficial Novelization. Chapter 1

    A quiet night out, a comfortable stool and some cheap booze.  A short reprise from my shitty life. I take a sip of the swill the bartender plopped in front of me and slowly begin to forget.  

    No job, drink. No money, drink.  Rent due soon, finish drink.  

    I let out a sigh and signal the bartender to bring me another.  Before he can reach me through something else grabs my attention.

    “Hi there!”  A cheery voice rings. I turned to see a girl walking my way and am left stunned.  She was a brunette with beautiful green eyes and an equally cute face. Her skin looked flawless and she was making a point of showing off plenty of it. Her red dress left her shoulders and part of her chest exposed. It cut off barely half way down her thighs and was decorated with black lace and ribbons. She seemed to be smiling at me as I took all this in. Unsure of if this beauty wanted my attention or the bartender’s.

     “What? Who… me?” I lamely sputtered out. To my surprise she smiled at me and replied

    “Yeah, you!” I tried to smile but the nerves were getting to me. I scratched the back of my head as I struggled to maintain eye contact.

    “Oh, sorry.  I just.. don’t talk to many girls.” She smiled and with a giggle in her voice proudly exclaimed

    “well you’re talking to one now, champ. My name is Kyu; nice to meet you.”

    I was shell shocked, confused and maybe a little drunk. Unsure what to say next I blurted out the first thing that came into my head.

    “Kyu?  That’s a weird name.” Idiot.  For the first time that night she frowned at me.

    “Oh, thanks, thats great, I have a weird name.”  She was obviously annoyed but kept a giggle in her voice all the same.

    I’m blowing it again, big surprise there.

    “Look dude, are you gonna be alright?  Looks like you’re having some trouble holding it together over there.”  she asked with a touch of concern.  

    Sweating now. Too many thoughts. Things I could say. Things I could do. Ways to salvage this mixing with ways I screw it up even more. For the first time in years a cute girl is talking to me and seems to be sober. What to say though? Does it matter just say something!

    “Oh, no I just… uhhh, I just…”  Flawless.  

    I am a suave pimp daddy...

    yeah…

    Fuck  

    “You just… you just… yeah, that’s what I thought” she mocked me.  

    Yup, thats it, this is done and once again i’ll be left completely alone tonight.  I sighed admitted my defeat and decided all I could do is let my mouth run and hope for the best.  

    “Well, it's just that… you’re so pretty and stuff.”  I quietly said my eyes now glued to the depressingly empty glass in front of me.

    “Oh god, did you just say that?  Is this happening?” Now the giggle in her voice was gone and she just seemed annoyed with me.  She seemed to think for a moment and then her smile spread back across her face.  “Hmmmm, wait you know?  This might actually work…”  

    Wait what, do I still have a chance here or am I just getting set up for worse.  

    “Yeah, Yeah...oh man, this is your lucky day buddy!”  She seemed full of energy again and she had a gleam in her eye. “Listen, I gotta go.” She stated as she reached out and grasped my hand in hers. “But, we’ll meet again, real soon. Trust me.”  She let my hand go and with a wink ran away and out the door of the bar. She yelled over her shoulder “Niiight!”  Before disappearing. I looked back down at the bar and took a deep breath as I felt the world slowly start to fade away.  

    I slowly started to come back to reality.  My ever more hazy and confusing reality.  Warm, comfortable, sprawled across something soft but firm.  Right, bed.  It was all just a dream, of course only in my dreams can I meet a cute girl and still mess it up.  I cracked open my eyes a tad only to see it was still dark and quickly realized it was time to go back to sleep.  I rolled over in my bed, commited to sleep and happier dreams.  

    “Hey, you!  Rise and shine, we’ve got work to do!”

    Is that a voice, is someone in the room with me?

    “I said GET UP!” the strange voice yelled at me.  

    Yup definitely in the room.  Well i got nothing to steal and very little to lose so let's hope they just leave me alone to sleep.  

    “Mmmm, five more minutes…” I mumbled as I curled up into my bed. The next thing I felt was the covers being ripped off of me and a rush of cold air.  

    “No way dude. NO time to waste!” I finally opened my eyes to see the owner of the voice.  

    I spent the next few seconds unsure of what I was looking at.  Another beautiful girl this time though with bright pink hair and sparkling fairy wings. On top of that, her outfit was even more revealing than the girl in my dreams.  She was wearing a largely pink and white strapless dress with a heart clasp in the middle of her chest. It flowed down and away from her body just above the waist, opening up and showing off her pink panties. She had long white gloves on as well as white stockings that came up to just above her knees.  Topping it all off was a heart shaped necklace and some sort of collar around her neck. Most importantly though were the large pink and white fairy wings that held her aloft. I wasn't sure what I was looking at or why she was here so I came to the only logical conclusion I could.

    “That getup… I’m definitely still dreaming,” was all I could say as I slowly began to shake off my drowsiness.  

    “Afraid not.  This is totally happening.” The girl said giving me a familiar smile.  “Don’t you recognize this adorable face?  It’s Kyu, from the bar.”  I looked her over a little more closely and yeah they had the same voice and face but the fairy shit was throwing me off.

    “I’m so confused right now, what’s going on?” Was all I could think to say as I stretched and climbed out of bed if only to help wake myself up.  

    “Why are they always confused?” I could barely hear her say under her breath before perking right back up. “If you can't tell by now i’m a fairy. Well, a love fairy to be exact.” She said as if that was no big deal at all.  

    “Question.  What exactly is a love fairy?” She smiled back and quickly responded.  

    “Good question.  I’m glad you asked.”  She seemed to think for a moment before continuing her explanation.  “Ya see, as a love fairy, it’s my job to help poor saps like you out with the ladies.  It’s just… what I do.”  

    Great so if i’m not dreaming or this is some coma based hallucination then somewhere out there a great fairy of some kind decided I’m so helpless I need a magical love coach. Fantastic.  

    “I don’t like to brag, but i’ll have you know I have a very impressive track record.” She stated grinning proudly. “All of my previous clients are basically walking babe magnets now.” She paused and looked me up and down her smile turning to a mischievous grin. “You, though… Let’s just say, you will be my greatest accomplishment yet.”  

    I let out a sigh. Great even amongst loser who need help I’m the cream of the crop, or would it be the bottom of the barrel, either way I felt less than thrilled at the prospect.  

    “Why do you want to help me? What’s in it for you?” I asked, desperate to make any sense of this situation.

    “Man, you and all the questions.” She said making no effort to hide her annoyance. “Can’t a fairy just help a brother out?” She asked with a tiny pout. Just as before she seemed to shake it off and jump right back to being full of energy again. “We need to get started right away. Tell me, how many dates HAVE you been on?” Her eyebrow raised a bit as she asked that question. I sat back on the bed and looked down at my feet. With a half assed shrug I decided to at least try to be honest.

    “I mean, you know, an amount.” She seemed stunned for a second but just barly.  

    “Oh my god, it’s worse than I thought isn't it?” This girl sure knows how to build up my confidence. “Alright, grab your shit, we’re going on a date, right now. Someone has to show you the ropes.” Wait, what? Before I could even get properly dressed Kyu grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door of my apartment.  “I know a place nearby that’s open pretty late.  You’ll love it, or not; I don’t care.” With those words I closed my eyes and was pulled into the white void that seemed to suddenly manifest itself outside of my apartment.  

    As I stepped through the threshold of the door I felt nothing, and then everything fell back into place. I was standing in an outdoor lounge by the looks of it. The stars were bright in the sky and seemed to stretch out forever over a nearby lake. Several benches and tables were scattered across the pavilion while small lanterns and candles provided a romantic atmosphere. There were a few other happy couples out and about, enjoying the natural romance of the night and stars. It was all so peaceful and pleasant and the perfect spot for a late night rendezvous.  

    ”LET’S GET THIS NIGHT ROLLING!”  Kyu’s voice rang out  bringing me back to the sub reality that my life seemed to be.  

    “Shouldn't you be quiet? We don't want to disturb anyone.” I said, half expecting to hear someone yell at her to pipe down. She simply giggled and replied

    “Not a chance. With my fairy magic these other people can't see or hear us so we can do what we want” She stated with a wink and a slight lick of her lips. “Now before we can start this date we need to change a few things so stand still ok.”  

    Kyu took a few steps back and looked me up and down as she finished her sentence.  I wanted to say something but found I was a little lost for words as Kyu started to glow.  She reached up to her lips with both her hands and gently kissed her fingertips.  A glowing orb appeared there that slowly grew in size.  She held it up to her mouth and gently blew, the orb flew with lightning speed from her finger tips and collided directly with my chest.  The whole world went white and my body was filled with warmth.  Despite not being able to see anything I was left feeling oddly calm and comfortable as the warmth faded and I returned to my senses.The next thing I knew Kyu was standing in front of me with a proud smile on her face.

    “Now we can really get started.”  I took a moment to look myself over, and quickly realized I was still me from head to toe, didn't even feel different.  Nothing had changed; just same old me.  I looked up at Kyu confused.  

    “What was all that about?” I asked.

    “I just gave you a bit of fairy magic is all,” she said like it was nothing.  “More precisely i’ve given you the power of Hunniepop. The magic will allow you to get girls by making you into someone else entirely.” I just looked at her dumbfounded.

     “What's the point of getting girls if i’m gonna be someone else? Couldn't you just teach me to be, you know me?”  She just sighed and the look on her face told me not only that this was a stupid question but she was tired of hearing it. After rubbing her temples for a sec she started up again.

    “Listen, sure I can teach you how to walk and talk to a girl. That's easy. But that won’t get you any girl.  No matter how suave you are, if someone isn't attracted to you then they aren't going to go out with you.”  Ok that kinda makes sense.  

    “Can’t I just date the girls that do like me then.”  I asked weakly.  

    “Yeah no. This city is big but it's only a matter of time till one girl realizes your sleeping around, and then oh boy is that a mess.”  Fair enough I guess.  

    “What if I only wanted to date one girl though?” With this question she looked utterly taken aback for a second but soon enough she regained her composure.  

    “You could do that, have one girl who likes you and may stay with you for a bit,”  “But…” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “How great would it be to have five or six girls all who are in love with you and are ready to sleep with you at the drop of a hat!” I thought about it for a moment then she snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Or if you’re really that boring, and want just one girl instead of a harem, i’ll kindly take my magic back. I’ll even coach you through a date or two but after that I got much bigger projects to take on.”

    She gave me some space and took a sitting like position in the air. I took a moment to think it over but after a few minutes the  silence just seemed to annoy her more.

    “Listen, you’ll still be you for the most part, you’ll just look different is all and have a little bit of fairy help. Why don't you try it out, meet some cuties, and build some confidence in yourself. It’s always possible to back out like a pussy if you want.” She folded her arms and waited for me obviously still annoyed. It didn't sound like a bad deal and honestly I didn't have a whole lot else going on so why not go along with this crazy dream a bit longer. I forced a smiled and hoped for the best.  

    “Alright i’m in let's get this date started!” I gave her my best smile and she gave me a smirk that sent a small shiver down my spine.  

    “About time, now let's get crazy!”  

    Before I could react a ball of light appeared in her hand and she threw it right into my chest.  Once again my body was filled with warmth as the magic flowed through me.  The feeling slowly subsided and this time I felt noticeably different.  I took a  moment and looked myself over, I was a bit tanner and a little taller as well.  Where previously some simple pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt were now replaced a pair of slick black pants and an open white button up.  Also, wow do I have some abs now; jesus I would never need a cheese grater again.  I moved a bit and felt my whole body had a nice bit more muscle to it and generally felt more healthy and  flexible as well.  As I flexed, I also finally couldn't ignore the feeling of wings on my back and turned to see some very nice white wings with a touch of lime green supporting them.  Last but not least I could barely make out a bit of hair that matched the green of the wings now on my head.  

    “Kyu what is this?”  Why did my voice sound deeper?  Is this what being a hunk is like?  She simply looked at me a bit of a blush on her cheeks and a glint in her eyes.  

    “This is the pop function of the huniepop. It will allow you to transform into the ideal man for whatever girl you want, at least physically that is. It will also provide you with some idea on what to say and act around her but for the most part you’ll be on your own.” She held a sly and hungry smile on her face the whole time as she kept looking me up and down. I felt a sudden tickle in the back of my mind and suddenly I had an idea. “Enjoying the view?”  I said as I flexed putting my hands over my head and grabbing my elbows in my best impersonation of a male model.  She licked her lips

    “I’ll admit i'm a little taken aback, most people don't come out looking quite so... good.” I winked at her and got closer, for the first time she seemed a little weak, and I knew it was time to press the advantage. I had several ideas about what to do next, and after a very brief moment of consideration I made my move. I grabbed her hand and jumped into the air, almost if by instinct I felt my wings move and I started to fly, Kyu close behind. We flew out over the lake and I turned to her pulling her in close my body pressed against her as we slowly started to dance.  Although it was really just a slow rotation the feeling and the sentiment were the same. Her hands slowly slid up and down my back and eventually a little along my chest, meanwhile my hands slid along her back and hips and went dangerously low.  Initially she kept her head down right under my chin but after a time I couldn't begin to understand she moved her head to look into my eyes.  Hey green eyes met mine and stayed locked for what felt like an eternity. She started to lean in and I did the same. Suddenly I felt her finger pressed against my lips and I stopped.

    “Not bad lover boy, but it's only the first date and you have so many more to come. I knew you had it in you” I genuinely smiled for the first time in what felt like ages and with a sudden white flash we were gone from the lake as I felt the transformation fading. With a quick look around I noticed I was back to normal and we were standing in my apartment again. “Aww, shit. It’s morning already? We are way behind schedule.” Kyu was still here, it was morning, I didn't feel tired. Hell, I barely felt hungry. I must be dead, fatal brain aneurysm in my sleep sounds like a good way to die. “Okay, check it out. I have one last thing to give you; and this is important.” Kyu brought my attention back to her, ignoring my small mental breakdown. “Introducing… the latest in love fairy technology… The HunieBee four-point-oh.”  She handed me what appeared to be a regular smartphone with a blue case and a very colorful UI.  I started to play around with the new device as Kyu launched into an explanation. “The Hunie Bee is an essential lifeline for any player on the go. It automatically registers the info of new girls you meet and can even track their location,”  Creepy and practical, nice.  “You can even organize your contacts, send messages, manage your account and pay bills… It’s awesome!”  With that last statement I noticed that under one of the apps there was a line that showed a current balance of $1000.  

    “Um, Kyu what’s with this account?”  

    “Oh right forgot about that, you see we love fairies are in charge of the creation of love.  Every time you go on a date or even talk to a girl you’ll naturally produce more of these feelings referred to as hunie, the more our guys produce the more we get paid.  Since we don't want our players to be busy holding down a job instead of making us bank we compensate them for their time with a small percentage of what they make us.”  It took me a moment to take all this in.  

    “Let me get this straight, if I go out there and have a date with a girl you will pay me?”  

    “Duh, well that is if you don't fuck it up royally at least. Just because you have some magic doesn't mean you can't botch a date hard.” This was seriously getting too good to be true. I poked around a bit more and found there was just a button to pay off my rent, I tapped it without hesitation and watched as most of the cash was drained from the account. My rent was paid, I could buy real food, maybe even a car with time.

    I pinched myself, pain.  I punched the floor, more pain.  This was real, this was all real.  I suddenly felt terrified of this realization but part of me was holding together, the same part of me that was incredibly excited at this opportunity.

    “You ok dude, don't tell me your pussying out now?”  It took me a moment but I shook my head and got to my feet.  

    “It’s a lot to take in, but yeah, I think i'm all set.”  I said it and I meant it, whole parts of my brain were setting off alarms and warnings, telling me how crazy and stupid this all was, but I brushed them aside common sense didn't seem like it mattered as much now.  

    “Ok I think that’s it for now.  Let’s get out there and talk to some broads!”  Kyu exclaimed obviously fired up and in a much better mood then when we first met.  With a shrug I figured there was only one thing to do, time to embrace the madness, get out of debt and meet some ladies.

    “Hell yeah! Let’s do this shit!” It felt good to shout and with it, all the warnings and alarms seemed to stop. I honestly think I can do this, or at least I really want to try. Time to meet some girls.  

    “Now if you wanna meet a hot chick you gotta go where the hot chicks are.”  Straight to it huh Kyu?  I was slowly starting to appreciate her bluntness.  “I’ve done some scouting and I have a few ideas of where to start.  It depends on what type of girls you’re into.”  At this point what type of girl wouldn't I shot for, so really any spot was as good as the next.   Kyu began to count on her fingers as she ran down the list “We can check out the university, the mall, the gym, the park or the nearby cafe.  What’ll it be?”  I went to the closet and began to think it over as I put on something more appropriate.

    “Give me a sec to think it over, wanna make sure we start strong after all right?”  She seemed to consent to the idea but not without her usual attitude.  

    “Just hurry up player, it's not polite to keep a girl waiting.”  As I slid on some jeans and a fresh t-shirt,  I mulled over the choices more. The university is out for now, haven't been back there in years and it would feel weird picking up girls there. Same feeling with the gym, not a real comfortable place for me. The cafe was out too, I’ve stopped by more than once and I rather like the place, if I struck out and embarrassed myself I’m not sure I could ever go back. The mall was also out, ever since they shut down that little bookstore the place just felt empty to me. That just left the park and some fresh air sounded pretty damn good right now too. “Dawnwood park seems as good a place as any.” I stated as I slid my belt into place.

    “Good choice rookie!”  Kyu immediately perked up as soon as the words left my mouth. “Couldn't have picked it better myself.” I grabbed my phone, wallet and made sure the HunnieBee was with me as well. “Alright, ready?  Get your game face on!”  I nodded and headed to the door to be greeted by the shining void of light from last night.  I turned to Kyu who seemed to be a little annoyed by my hesitation.  

    “Will this just teleport me there?” Kyu nodded

    “Yeah why bother traveling any other way?” She stated as though it was no big deal. I closed the door as I turned to her. “Listen as neat as that is, its only a half hour walk to the park and honestly I could use the time to clear my head a bit. Plus I have some questions for you as well.” Kyu let out a long sigh and snapped her fingers. “Fine but next time we are doing it my way.” I gave her a nod and headed outside into the bright new day.  

    It was early, yet by the time I reached the park the streets would be full of people rushing off to work. For now, the the air was crisp and the day was peaceful.

    “Ugh, this is gonna take forever.” Kyu groaned nearby.  Almost peaceful. I let out a sigh and did my best to ignore the full sized, half naked fairy hovering next to me.  

    “So what exactly happened last night”  I asked after a block or so.  “Hmm well you transformed into the hottest guy i’ve seen in a long time.  Grabbed me and gave me an average quality first date.”  She stated as though it was no big deal.  

    “Average, I thought I did pretty good?” She giggled at that statement.  

    “You did fine but i’m not a big romance girl, I prefer something a bit lighter on the atmosphere, you know?” I sighed and stored that bit of info away for later. “So how exactly does this transformation stuff work? When I changed it was odd, like a second voice was guiding me but I still had complete control. Never felt anything like it.” I trailed off and closed my eyes as I tried to get that feeling from last night again.  Kyu’s voice cut in and snapped me back to reality.  

    “It’s simple really.  The Hunniepop changes to meet the needs of the girl you're pursuing. Not only does it make you physically appealing but also guides you a bit.  You’ll get ideas on what to do and say but not all of them will be winners, the magic isn't perfect after all. That’s where you come in, it's your job to guide the ship and land the girl.”  I did my best to process all this, struggling to keep up with how surreal this whole thing was. “So I take it that i’ll be doing this with each girl I meet huh?” Kyu looked me up and down and just nodded at me. “Its for the best anyway, just makes everything easier.” Was all she had to say as she drifted along.  I let out a sigh and kept moving.  Looks like real love will evade me a bit, but maybe that was for the best.  

    I waved at a group of girls who seemed to be rushing to school, they laughed at me and kept moving.  Gonna be a good day.  I looked over to the fairy snickering next to me and the look on my face must have said it all.  “Oh yeah.  Don’t worry, they can’t see or hear me.” Magic, right. “I’m just a figment of your imagination.” My heart skipped a beat and I could feel something in me snap as I began to question everything that happened the last few hours.  “Ploooot twiiiiiist!” She said with a big smile on her face.  

    “Please tell me you're not serious” was all I could stammer out.   

    “Nah, I’m crazy real. I just hid myself from everyone so I can give you advice on the sidelines.” I took a moment and slowly started to bring myself back down to reality, my new crazy reality, with fairies and magic and where I might be able to get a girlfriend or five. Reality, ain't it swell. I continued forward despite my near heart attack and the sign ahead did little to ease my nerves. “Welcome to Dawnwood park”